Thoughts

Sometimes the simplest of things can turn into the most incredible events with the right people. Someone can say the simplest, dorky things that can change your life. That person has definitely been there for me lately and it's been great. As of late i've had a very hard time dealing with the future, uncertainties in transferring to UCCS and such, and simply trusting and having faith in God for everything in my life. That whatever happens is for my benefit even if I don't see it. It's so flippin hard to let God take charge and control your life in every aspect, but I so deeply need to give it all to Him. I need to stop giving into my racing mind of thoughts. They are consuming me and it's not a good thing. Especially when someone else brings it up to you. I am praying that I will be able to fight them off. But only with God's help is that attainable.

I often times think back to Phil 4:6-7
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

For whatever reason I have the hardest time putting that into circulation. I want it to, but I still try and do things myself instead. I'm not a friken fortune teller though so there's no use dwelling on something that's out of your control. We can't just give up either though, it may be out of your control at one point, but at a different point, you have to address it and move on. Time never stops, and you will get to that point eventually. So pray and seek God first and foremost and He says he will reward those who seek him.

Pslam 37:4-5 "Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass."

Amazed

"Lord I want to yearn for You, I want to burn with passion."

So for those of you that don't know I recently moved up to Foco to go to school at CSU and study Chinese. It has been quite a journey so far really good but really tough, and i've learned alot. It's what I "thought" I always wanted, but lately im not convinced this is where I should be. There's alot of mixed emotions, feelings, speculations. So I've been praying about it every day, asking God if this is where He wants me. And then one day talking to my sister, I finally heard the trigger words that got me thinking in a different perspective, and that was exactly what I needed. Here is a little excerpt from that day that really got me to evaluate how I came to be where im at.



"It's the truth, you changed a lot this year, I think it has a lot to do with your friends in Springs and going to church and everything you are doing...And maybe now that you are connected with a strong community, you don't want to go overseas and live, and that is ok! Maybe you are realizing that there are more important things than what you always thought you would do with your life. It's ok to change."



So, my response and thoughts was that she was totally right... I think alot of my decisions were based on my life in Canon and how I never had any good friends for the time I lived there, and how I hated that shitty low life prison town so much and how people were so fake! So I wanted to escape and move far away from everything, and leave it all behind without looking back. But just this last year, I established an amazing community in Springs and had a truly life changing semester. But it took me leaving that and coming to Foco to really realize what I had and left behind. My outlook at life changed, and I think I rushed things and didn't get to fully experience what I had in Springs, alot of which was people and community and I moved on too quick, thinking I still needed to go up to Foco. But in reality, I was just continuing my younger aspirations which have since changed. I still want to be involved with Chinese language, possibly some missions work, but not necessarily living over there for a long period.

Basically I came to Foco for one reason, and that was to learn Mandarin. But after all this I realized that there are other ways to learn a language. Privately, Rosetta Stone, whatever. I just have to want it enough, and I still do, that part of my life hasn't changed, but it doesn't have to be done at a university. So the tentative plan is to transfer to UCCS in the Springs and change my major to Communications or History. Im more simply getting a degree simply to have one now, not necessarily using it to its full extent. There are still some details that need to work out, but if God opens those doors like I believe He will. Then im taking that as the go ahead sign, and making it official.

As much as I thought I was really excited for Foco, it just didn't turn out to meet my expectations. But what it did do was put me in a position to re-evaluate life and where I was. Im truly excited to see what God has for me now in this new direction im headed in.
I also understand it probly sounds like I didn't even give Foco a shot, and your probly right to an extent. But at the same point it took me going up there to figure all this out, to question things. So in my eyes I got what I needed from it, repositioned myself and am now starting new again.


A couple weeks ago at theMILL, Aaron read a verse that really caught my attention, and put me in my place.

Jeremiah 29:11-13:

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Its been a while since i've really felt like writing. I think I go in spurts and throughout the summer I was so busy I just wasn't up for it.

But this summer ended up being really good for the most part. I had a job I didn't truly enjoy but it got better the last month of it. I learned ALOT and made good money for school, so that's what counts in my book. I was so happy to be done with it too, but that also meant school was just around the corner. And this year school was going to be in Fort Collins, at CSU. So quite a change. A pastor I recently heard at Woodmen Valley talked about expectations a little, and how no matter what you do, you always have certain expectations for things. I don't really know what my expectations were for Foco, aside from a place I would instantly fit in. Ha, as I soon came to realize, fat chance of that happening. Yes its true that I've only been up there for 2 weeks. But in those 2 weeks I really haven't made much progress and it sucks. And im having a hard time of giving it a chance. Sure i've met a decent amount of people, but once you meet them, then what. We have completely different majors and we unite once a week at Navs or CRU. It's a hard things to figure out how to handle. Im definitely still lingering in the life I had in Springs. I've come down both weekends so far and next week I will again. Sometimes its for things I need to do, but mostly just any excuse to get out of Foco. I thought I would like change, but I guess I don't. At least not by myself. Luckily the friends I do have in springs have been super supportive of everything im doing, but yet im still not even supporting myself. I have too much fun when I come back, it makes me want to move back so bad, but im trying to grow up and put my supposed career ahead of people. But honestly the only reason im in Foco is for one thing, and that's to learn Chinese. I guess maybe you could also throw in there that I would get a degree, but that's lower on the totem pole for me. I've been giving alot more thought to overseas missions in China. So we'll see where God takes my thoughts with that. This semester has got me to rely alot more on God as well and trying to understand that he has me there for a reason, even though I can't see it as clear as i'd like. So prayer and reading His word has definitely become a daily thing for me finally and I love it. There's other factors as to why Im having a harder time being away, but i'll save those for another day. Altogether though, im there for a year regardless becase of my lease, after that time we'll see what happens. See what my heart feels and where I should be. But for now im trying to stay as positive as I can do good in school and make new friends as well as hanging out with my old ones. The past few weekends have been legit and I love every second I spend down there. And it sucks leaving every time, but for me right now, its worth it. Thanks guys for being awesome!

Real life

After 5 weeks on the job of boring work in the shop all day I finally experienced what it's like to be a true wild land firefighter.
Friday morning the fire up at the sand dunes (Medano Fire) finally crept over the Sangres and on to our district. We went up and were assigned to some structural protection for a lodge way up in the mountains. We worked on that most of the day moving excess fuel away from the house and cutting some nearby trees out of the way. Once we were done with that for the next 2 days we didn't do much but drive around and become familiar with the roads that were around. The fire was still over some ridges some 7 miles away from where we were. So it wasn't very exciting. As Monday morning came, we found we were to be relieved due to a type 2 team coming in to help (basically just a more experienced squad). And they didn't need us anymore.
So we drove back to Canon that morning and were at the station no longer then 3 hours before our whole station got called up to the Royal Gorge where 3 separate fires had started all at once. As we drove up there the smoke was billowing high and the fire was beginning to crank at high speed due to high winds.
We ended up working about a 36 hour shift stopping at 2am for 3 hours of iffy sleep. It was the most intense work i've been involved with in my life. Mostly what we did was structural protection which included cutting down excess fuels around houses and dragging it off a safe distance.
The first house we did this too ended up burning a while after and it really got to me. Just being the last resort between someones home burning was a very crazy and sad thing. And when I heard it burned I just lost it, broke down and wanted to quit my job so bad. I did my best to pull it together but it was a tough day, and my best friend in critical condition during this time didn't help either.
But I began to realize through all of this somehow that I really like to help people in whatever way possible, and whatever they're going through. It might not always be the best help, and i've definitely gotten myself in some sticky situations, but I mean good. And after thinking about it alot that day, I think God may be calling me to serve in someway. I don't know how or when but it's kind of exciting to finally realize that. I never have felt before like I have been called to missions before, and im still not quite sure but it seems like things are coming together more nowadays in that direction. We'll see how it goes!

So even though things seems to suck alot lately through work and people I work with making it even harder. I know that's what life is all about and im trying to just get through it and on to the next thing.

That's all I got--

No one said it was going to be easy-

So already i've found my job to be like alot of jobs i've had before and simply counting down the hours till the 8 hour shift is over. While at the station we end up doing lots and lots of random things simply to pass the time because there are no fires right now. I have always liked going at a faster pace, so it's been pretty difficult this past week to find the strength to continue through it all.

Oddly enough at TheMILL this last friday I could not focus for the life of me. I couldn't get into what Aaron was talking about, and this has never been an issue before. Maybe my mind was wondering too much, distracted, maybe it was Brett being Brett.. I don't know, but it sucked. More then halfway through his talk I finally zoned in a bit and yet again God's timing never fails. Aaron started talking about suffering and if we have ever suffered through something to get to an end goal that we valued, and was it worth the suffering. He said that we should embrace suffering. It's as simple as vegetables, not necessarily on a suffering level but the same concept. Alot of them are really good for you and will benefit you, but we hate them. Or if you put yourself through the pain and endurance of running a marathon, it might not be something that you necessarily enjoy, but there's a sense of accomplishment through it and that you're in good enough shape to complete the 26.2 miles. Is it so bad that we can't suffer a little to get to a healthier body or get to a place of accomplishment at the end?

For me it's my job, I never wanted this job for the actual work, I was just focused on the money, for school and such. And it's not that my job sucks balls or anything, but it's just not as enjoyable as I had hoped. So im really trying to endure it and be able to look at things differently then when I first started. After my first week of work I wasn't very thankful for it. And I realize alot more now what a great opportunity I really have. Even though in theory I don't like working for the government, it definitely has it's pros and I will come out knowing ALOT more then when I started. And I am getting certified for so many things that could even come in handy down the road. And heck, it can't be bad for my resume. So my goal this summer is to endure through it, like God says, to Glorify him in everything that we do. It definitely helps to have friends to hang with on my days off, or go biking, climbing, TheMILL, and of course my paycheck. It gives me something to look forward to and that eases my week and motivates me.

So I would like to ask for some prayer for me this Summer. That I can continue to grow in God and seek him, and to enjoy my job as much as possible and do my best at all times, without always dwelling on the things I don't enjoy about it, but rather what good will come out of it.

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

The off the top of your head threw me off

Finally it seems all the pieces have fallen into place and now its time again for a new page in my life.
It seems I just got established where I am right now. Finally, after waiting so long for things to change they did, and now im moving on again when im not ready to go. I found out yesterday that I was accepted into CSU Fort Collins for the Fall. I'm definitely stoked beyond belief, ready to continue with my education and all that. And I knew it was coming, but because it wasn't official before, I played it off as something that wasn't said and done, and that made me more relaxed about it. So now reality finally hit and it got me thinking alot. I will have to start from scratch with pretty much everything. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can actually be alot of fun, just seemingly something i've done more then normal the past 6 months. So im just in a very mixed emotions state right now. I know it will be good, but I can't let go. poop.
But through all this I thought of a song a friend of mine wrote. Basically saying not to worry about your troubles now, but instead focus on God. And it's so true, for one, worrying gets you nowhere, and two, I know that if God didn't want me up at CSU he wouldn't have opened that door, so im eager to find out what he has in store for me up there. And leaving the Springs crew is tough, but of course i'll still visit. I feel everything is going out on a high note there, well almost..
Time and time again though when I look around trying to figure out how I can conquer the current quest or problem I can never quite find the right answer. And it's simply because without God we can't do anything. As humans we are weak, and fallen.

Kind of a tricky verse, but I like it

1st Corinthians 1:25
"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength".

Well, I started my new job a few days ago and needless to say, it's gunna be alot of work. Basically so far I have collected endless amounts of gear and knowledge of what to do with it all. Im assigned to the one and only forest service engine with 4 other guys. If we're out on a fire for multiple days, I have my life packed into a duffel bag and could be out as long as 14 days(and that could even be with only 1 or 2 showers!). It's pretty crazy and still hard to judge on what to expect since I haven't done much yet. But im looking forward to getting into it and learning alot and having fun at the same time.

My brother and his wife are coming back this summer too for a suprise birthday for my grandma's 80th. And he's going to try and get visas for his in-laws to come as well! They have never been to the US before and speak only a few simple sentences of english so if it happens it should be pretty fun and interesting for sure.

Almost 3 months have gone by since I applied for Fort Collins and there is still issues surfacing seemingly every week, so that is pretty frustrating. The deadline is rapidly approaching, but I know if God wants me there He will make it happen!

I have had two amazing summers up at Horn Creek in the past, but a summer isn't even close to enough time to really grow. Life changed drastically for those 3 months, but after that I went right back into my usual routine of no fellowship with believers and a shitty town.
This semester has definitely been all time for me now and im so grateful for the community i've been able to become apart of, and the countless memories i've made just being a crazy college kid. I have also grown so much in my faith and have gotten into a great routine of quiet times and finally got to the point of wanting to do it instead of forcing myself to. TheMILL has been a great church for me too and I love it so much! This all has been awesome, but I couldn't of done it without people encouraging me and motivating me so thanks. Im gunna miss it alot but I know i'll meet some cool cats up in Foco too. It's just going to be hard to make another transition, but I guess sometimes that's half the fun, starting off new.

Life has thrown alot of twists and turns at me this year so far and im trying to adjust and adapt to them as best as I can. But no one said it would be easy. With a little help from my Saviour though, im sure i'll do just fine. :)

A couple days ago a few friends and myself were hiking the incline in Colorado Springs. It's 1.2 miles of stairs with a gain of about 2000 feet up the side of Pikes Peak-ish. It's pretty intense but a great workout. On the way down there's a a 3 mile trail full of switchbacks that takes you back down.

As we were descending to the bottom we were talking about how we all loved the trail going down and simply just being out in the mountains literally minutes away from the city. And even tonight, or ..last night? A bunch of friends and I drove up in the mountains and just goofed around and walked through tunnels, scared drunk people, star gazed and hiked in the dark at 1am. To be able to do that on a whim is so amazing, and I love it! We're so fortunate to be able to live so close to the mountains and hike and bike, camp, and ski all the time.(28 days boarding this winter!) Sadly there are so many people that may be in the state temporarily that don't take advantage of what they have in their backyard until it's too late. I've worked with alot of people at Horn Creek from all over the country, most of which reside in flat states. 90% of them said they would love to move back because they absolutely can't get enough of the mountains. And here some of us might get out and look at Pikes Peak or whatever mountain every day and think nothing about it.

So this is a simple shoutout to our great state of Colorado! If you live here and don't do much outdoors I plead you to do so before it's too late! Don't take it for granted, we have so much to do right at our fingertips!

Ephesians 5:15-16 "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."

Psalm 34:8 "Taste and see that the LORD is good;(That means get out and see His playground he built for us and enjoy it!) blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."


That is all-

How He Loves

So last night at theMILL Aaron Stern gave a great message on being a father. How we might be a father to our kids if we have them and how we are God's kids and he is our Father. And that however much we love our kids, God loves us infinitely more. It's so hard to grasp the concept of infinite, but God is infinite in every way possible, it's truly amazing. Towards the end he had a group of older men and dad's stand up and they were there to pray or just talk to anyone that maybe didn't have a father figure growing up or maybe had a dad that wasn't there, didn't care, or maybe abused them in some way growing up.

As the worship started and people began to come up and pray with all the dad's, I found myself searching my past with my own dad and what we've gone through together and I started to cry, for the first time in so long I don't remember the last time before. My dad definitely had a temper problem when I was younger and blew up easily which turned into me being physically abused a few times, and ultimately I became afraid of him. Looking back now that was the worst thing that could have happened. It made our relationship distant and in times of need I felt I couldn't turn to him. Im not blaming it all on that but im sure that was a big part of why I have never had a great relationship with him. Thankfully it was kind of a phase he went threw and he got out of it and realized he needed to change. And I will say he's been an amazing dad in so many ways I couldn't ask for anything more. But the one thing I always envied about my friends was the fact that the majority of them had their dad's to turn to for anything, and someone they got along with just like a friend. I have almost never felt that with my dad and we have very few things in common. That was the one thing that I wish our relationship could have had. So I was battling that pretty hard last night.

I know my he loves me with everything he has, and I know he's proud of who I am and who I've become, and that's what matters. I think it's just hard for him to show it. I love the fact that as much as my dad loves me, God loves me and all his children infinitely more and his love never fades or ends. With that combination I feel so much more content.

Proverbs 3:11-12
My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.

One of my favorite things about music is the ability it has to trigger certain memories, places and people in time where you first heard it. Im gunna list a few of my favorite bands and songs and the memories associated with them.


Yellowcard is one of my foundation bands for the genre of music I listen too. It all began on a bus ride to a soccer game my freshman year. I borrowed Ocean Avenue from a friend and didn't give it back to him for 6 months. That CD will always be one of my favorites, and remind me of my friend Brad.

ACDC-Back in Black was also a soccer song, being the first track on our varsity warmup CD when I was a freshman. I miss those days.

BoA is an artist very few Americans would recognize. Her actual name is Boa Kwon and she is a Korean pop star that I discovered while in a record shop in Seoul, Korea in 2007. Once I bought her CD I listened to her the rest of the trip and it always brings back fun memories from that trip.

Brad Paisley, sorry I have to throw him in here. Since I grew up in MT whenever I listen to him it reminds me of my hometown and the many adventures I had living there.

Mariah Carey sadly is on this list too with Touch My Body. Isaac and Joe made it happen with their late night dances in boxers interchanging each other's names in the song. I think I got subbed in a few times as well...

Elvis Costello with Burt Bacharach always brings back memories of getting up when its still dark out to go skiing with my sister and dad while we were growing up in MT.

Songs definitely don't always remind you of good things either. Daughty-Over You is one of my most hated songs now cause of a girl..After a long friendship for years, she stabbed me in the back and never talked to me again. Awesome!

Aqueous Transmission by Incubus brings back urban camping memories last summer with Isaac. Camping on roofs in Boulder and Springs, and also random parks in town waking up to a yoga workout class on the basketball court.

A side of me most of you don't know is I used to be a huge gamer. I mean playing online every night for 3-4 hours. It was my escape for not having any "real" friends in Canon. So I made friends online, but in turn found some great music along with it. My favorite being Jason Reeves-You in a Song.

Linkin Park will always remind me of Boston. Each CD I heard first there. I picked up Meteora and listened to it while riding through Boston tunnels at night.

Justin Timberlake-What Goes Around Comes Around. (believe it) Is one of my favorite songs because of the amazing memories of my first summer at Horn Creek. Climbing 4-5 times a week with one of my best friends Johnny O. and he got me into it and it became our theme song that we listened to every night we climbed.

Run Kid Run reminds me of camping in New Mexico with some amazing friends, and seeing things we shouldn't have..

The girl that I have fallen the hardest for in the past, will always remind me of Paul Simon- Father and Daughter. We worked together up at Horn Creek. I had never found someone that shared more things in common with me before, especially taste in music, it was amazing, i'll never forget her and how she grew in God that summer.

Motion City Soundtrack, Something Corporate, Taking Back Sunday, Brand New, Rise Against, The Flaming Lips, A New Found Glory, Nirvana, Silverstein, Spoon, Sublime. These were alot of my starter bands when I first moved to CO, and my friend Brad introduced me to so much like this. It was a rough time in my life once he moved on to partying and I was left in the dust.

But now my life is back on track due to some amazing people i've met this semester, I seriously couldn't have done it without you guys.
Some bands to go with that now would be- Hillsong United, Number One Gun, Barcelona, Chasen, Dashboard, The Spill Canvas, Fun, and Amsterdarn.

Letting God lead your life. -Conclusion

In conclusion to my previous post about me battling Asia vs. Africa. I have talked to a few people about it and interestingly enough got very similar answers which leads me to believe they have a point.

I need to stop worrying so much about what I think God wants for me and start doing what I know he wants for me regardless of the country and timeframe. I realize how selfish I was thinking I couldn't support another country other then China. I need to keep my view open to everywhere in the world and not focus completely on one place.

Although it is Africa, it's still a country that's in so much desperation and need, and me being involved with that and the community that goes along with it will be good for me. I need to be content with where I am right now and the oppertunities at my doorstep. God can teach me so much right now and it will help with my future endeavors in China.

Time to stop being so selfish.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

And start enjoying life worry free with the amazing friends I have.
Ecc 8:15 "So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be merry. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of his life which God has given him under the sun".

So recently a friend of mine turned me onto an artist named Chasen. Him and his band lead worship at a church in South Carolina and a few years ago released their first CD and have just released their second. I'm really diggin their music and they have amazing lyrics so you should check them out.

One of my favorite songs by them right now is "Nothing Like You".
A song simply saying that there is nothing like God, and He is all and ALL is good, it's so true and I love it.

Nothing Like You
(Chasen Callahan)

Take a storm and watch sing
Take the thunder create a scene
Take a light and throw it across the sky
For the whole world to see
Take the ocean take the tide
Sweep it in here on beaches white
Wipe my eyes and let me see
The beauty of Your sunrise

There is nothing like You
There is nothing underneath the son
Without You, You are all and all is good
There is nothing like You

Take a branch and watch it break
Take the snow and watch it fall
As the green begins to grow
Lord Your growing my soul

There is nothing like You
There is nothing underneath the son
Without You, You are all and all is good
There is nothing like You

Letting God lead your life.

Recently I've found one of the worst feelings in the world to me is coveting. And it's not your normal type of coveting which could result with possessions like cars, houses, or the latest technological gizmo. But rather the type that is coveting a feeling that someone might get when experiencing something amazing.

For example, my passion right now in life is China. I'm majoring in Asian Studies and plan to learn Mandarin as well, I am not necessarily looking at missions, but it's coming to my attention more and more these days. I think about it all the time and when will be the next time I can go visit and explore and see my brother, it's a non-stop cycle. And it's sometimes annoying because I know it will be a while before I get that chance again.

But in the past few months I met a group of people who are in love with Africa. They want to help out the many thousands of kids there, doing missions and sharing God's word. I couldn't be happier that there are people who share my same desire for overseas work, but the downfall for me was that it wasn't China, it was Africa. As I attended a few different social events having to do with Africa, I found myself utterly jealous of the fact that there kept being events featuring Africa and catering exactly to my friends desires. As much as I loved seeing my friends getting excited and fulfilled from it, it just wasn't the same for me. I got very envious of the feeling of excitement and joy that these events brought them and I wanted it too, oh so bad!

It got me to the point that last Sunday a group of African children preformed and sang at a church up in Springs. As my friends and I sat there and watched I saw the look on their faces of sheer joy and encouragement from these kids. As for me, after the first 10 min I broke down and left the building. It's not that I didn't like it or anything, I just couldn't handle the fact that they had what I longed for. A group of friends with a common interest and events that entertained that interest.


It made me think back to Aaron Stern's last sermon which was on the 10th commandment-Though Shalt Not Covet. And one of the things he said was "We have to believe that God is leading our lives. If we think that someone else is getting something that we deserve and we're not getting something that we think we do deserve, chances are we're thinking that God doesn't know what he's doing. Do we believe that God is leading our lives?" For me this concept is very easy to wrap my head around, but uber hard to actually live out.

To not covet someone, something, or a feeling someone has about something, is to believe that in everything God has it all planned out and has his own plan for each one of us individually. Its so difficult to come to grips with that sometimes. For me it's difficult to realize that even though I don't have a group of friends that are in love with China right now, doesn't mean it won't happen in the future. There will still be a time and a place for that and if it's not right now, then that must be God's plan. All I can do is live with what I have and the amazing friends that share a common goal, even if it isn't the same country. And trust that He is going to reveal it to me when the time is right.

"I will instruct you (says the Lord) and guide you along the best pathway for your life; I will advise you and watch your progress." -Psalms 32: 8

My prayer is I will put it all before God, he will show me when he's ready and I just have to trust in him through it all. And that he will give me peace about my current state of mind.

-Amen

Brotherhood

This past week has been one of the best on record for adventures. A few of my best friends and I went to Texas for spring break. It was definitely one of those times that was needed, where you just longed to get away and experience something new and fresh, and we got exactly what we asked for. Even if Texas isn't the greatest state in the world, you can't disregaurd God's beauty everywhere in it. The ocean was definitely a highlight for me, with the waves gently crashing in the cool morning air and the sun still coming up over the horizon. Reading on the beach in God's word and praying with some of the greatest guys I know, It's hard to compare to anything in the world (except doing the same thing in the mountains of course).

I feel God was trying to show me something with this trip and to show me that this is what brotherhood is all about. One definition I found was "An association of men, united for common purposes" That purpose to me is to come together and glorify God in everything we do and to fellowship with eachother on a regular basis. As well as encourage eachother in all things that we do. That might mean playing ultimate frisbee or snowboarding, or whatever hardships we might go through as well. Whatever the case, I know they will be right behind me backing me up every step of the way. And that's what a true brother in Christ is.

Aside from my actual brother, its been a hard attempt to find people who fill the brotherhood gap. Playing soccer on the field, working together as a team, as brothers, to win the game. This trip has been alot like that and the different trials I went through and the ways they responded, I am proud to call these guys my brothers. They have put themselves out on the line for me and encouraged me in ways I didn't see possible. It really made me think and thank God for them and the blessings they are in my life.

"Above all things let us not forget that mankind constitutes one great brotherhood; all born to encounter suffering and sorrow, and therefore bound to sympathize with eachother." -Albert Pike

Without brothers like these, I don't know where I would be today. Who would push me to jump off the 40 foot cliff? Who would challenge me in God's word? Who would be right by my side as im getting married? My brothers have such an important role in my life I couldn't live without them.. Here's to you. I love you guys.

Trust is a tough one..

Several years ago a few friends of mine joined up with the forest service to fight fires, I decided not to do it but was eager to try the next year..and the next.. both to no avail. With no motivation to keep trying and an ever terrifying website of confusion, I gave up on that idea of traveling to different states helping put out forest fires, and making lots of money.

This past fall however, the idea somehow worked its way to my head again, mainly because I was getting to the point of transferring schools and knew I couldn't afford to make minimum wage again. So I called up one of my buddies who did it before and got quite a bit of info of what to do and how to make it happen. So I finally applied for an entry level job based out of Canon and was up against 19 other applicants. I waited and I waited..and waited.. for about 3 months. Which in my opinion is waaay too long to dwell on whether or not you get a job, its torture, my mind twisting against me and eventually having to start thinking of alternatives if it didn't work out. Nearing the time when they were suppose to select the only position for the summer. I got a call from my buddy again telling me to make sure everything was in order and they should be selecting someone soon. Another few weeks went by and I was getting really ancy. I kept thinking .."what if I don't get it? I will have to make crap money again this summer". So after meeting with a friend recently he showed me a verse in the Bible that couldn't of been more acurate to my situation.

Philippians 4:6-7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heats and minds through Christ Jesus".

So after hearing that verse it really got me thinking about how I was handling this job process. I wasn't relying on God at all but only in myself and what I could do about it. So I decided to pray about it and just put it before God and if this was the way he wanted me to go then he would open the door. So I finally was able to relax knowing that God was and IS ultimately in control over everything, and even if I don't make alot of money, I trust that God will always provide for everything in my life. Its definitely not an easy thing to do with our human nature. Trust is not built overnight, but it's much more worth it in the end.

So about a week after this happened I got a call from the Forest Service offering me the job! I couldn't believe my ears, such accomplishment I felt, and I owe it all to our loving and gracious God.

It's things like this that make me strive to live for him even more when he answers prayers.

All in all--God is good.

God Always Provides

I grew up going to church, every sunday, every week, without fail. It was an involuntary movement that's lasted my whole life. In the past year though, Church has been a very interesting topic in my life. I was going to a church I liked only because I had some friends there, it was never about actually going to listen, but rather to socialize and not pay attention by any means. And once these so called "friends" graduated and moved on to college, I was left by myself. I kept attending now and again, but felt so out of place always by myself with no real group to even hang out with. Slowly as the Summer came I began to go less and less and finally when I started working alot of Sundays I stopped going altogether. And when I did have a Sunday off the last thing on my mind was church, but rather what can I do today to have fun on my 1 day off.

It was a very stagnant Summer altogether with no real friends around and consisted of alot of boring days indoors. With the end of the Summer nearing and school starting up again my mom addressed the issue with me and expressed her concern for me fading away from God (rightly so). She asked if I would start going to church again, so I did. Back to the same church I was at before with nothing really new changing and still wasn't stoked about going.

So about a month into the school year my brotha-from-anotha-motha Isaac invited me up to the new church he was attending, TheMILL. He said he knew I would like it and I could meet alot of cool people he recently had met there. I kept putting it off and said I would come eventually. So finally a few weeks after, I made the long hour and 15 min trip up to north Colorado Springs and ended up going by myself due to certain circumstances, so I sat quietly in the back and was instantaneously blown away.

First off I didn't expect it to be so large, with upwards of 1000 college age kids it was pretty insane, and second the worship band was incredible and I could feel the power of the music as each song built up and got louder. Needless to say by the end of the night I knew...just knew that's where God wanted me. So I came up the next week with Isaac and was introduced to so many amazing Christian people my age and couldn't believe how much I had in common with them right off the back. So I decided to make TheMill my new church home and haven't missed a service since my first day on January 8th. It has been sooo long since i've been apart of a church where I actually look forward to going every week and fellowshipping with awesome people. And don't forget all the crazy times we have after the service, it has been amazing and I couldn't of asked for a better change in my life.

I've really learned through all this to rely on God for EVERYTHING and he will ALWAYS provide as long as you trust in Him and ask Him for help. It never crossed my mind to do that before all this happened, but my mom never gave up on me and im so thankful for that. I'd also like to thank Isaac for getting me up there and being a great friend in the past few years, I love you man.



Like John Lennon said "Oh I get by with a little help from my friends"