Thoughts

Sometimes the simplest of things can turn into the most incredible events with the right people. Someone can say the simplest, dorky things that can change your life. That person has definitely been there for me lately and it's been great. As of late i've had a very hard time dealing with the future, uncertainties in transferring to UCCS and such, and simply trusting and having faith in God for everything in my life. That whatever happens is for my benefit even if I don't see it. It's so flippin hard to let God take charge and control your life in every aspect, but I so deeply need to give it all to Him. I need to stop giving into my racing mind of thoughts. They are consuming me and it's not a good thing. Especially when someone else brings it up to you. I am praying that I will be able to fight them off. But only with God's help is that attainable.

I often times think back to Phil 4:6-7
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

For whatever reason I have the hardest time putting that into circulation. I want it to, but I still try and do things myself instead. I'm not a friken fortune teller though so there's no use dwelling on something that's out of your control. We can't just give up either though, it may be out of your control at one point, but at a different point, you have to address it and move on. Time never stops, and you will get to that point eventually. So pray and seek God first and foremost and He says he will reward those who seek him.

Pslam 37:4-5 "Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass."

Amazed

"Lord I want to yearn for You, I want to burn with passion."

So for those of you that don't know I recently moved up to Foco to go to school at CSU and study Chinese. It has been quite a journey so far really good but really tough, and i've learned alot. It's what I "thought" I always wanted, but lately im not convinced this is where I should be. There's alot of mixed emotions, feelings, speculations. So I've been praying about it every day, asking God if this is where He wants me. And then one day talking to my sister, I finally heard the trigger words that got me thinking in a different perspective, and that was exactly what I needed. Here is a little excerpt from that day that really got me to evaluate how I came to be where im at.



"It's the truth, you changed a lot this year, I think it has a lot to do with your friends in Springs and going to church and everything you are doing...And maybe now that you are connected with a strong community, you don't want to go overseas and live, and that is ok! Maybe you are realizing that there are more important things than what you always thought you would do with your life. It's ok to change."



So, my response and thoughts was that she was totally right... I think alot of my decisions were based on my life in Canon and how I never had any good friends for the time I lived there, and how I hated that shitty low life prison town so much and how people were so fake! So I wanted to escape and move far away from everything, and leave it all behind without looking back. But just this last year, I established an amazing community in Springs and had a truly life changing semester. But it took me leaving that and coming to Foco to really realize what I had and left behind. My outlook at life changed, and I think I rushed things and didn't get to fully experience what I had in Springs, alot of which was people and community and I moved on too quick, thinking I still needed to go up to Foco. But in reality, I was just continuing my younger aspirations which have since changed. I still want to be involved with Chinese language, possibly some missions work, but not necessarily living over there for a long period.

Basically I came to Foco for one reason, and that was to learn Mandarin. But after all this I realized that there are other ways to learn a language. Privately, Rosetta Stone, whatever. I just have to want it enough, and I still do, that part of my life hasn't changed, but it doesn't have to be done at a university. So the tentative plan is to transfer to UCCS in the Springs and change my major to Communications or History. Im more simply getting a degree simply to have one now, not necessarily using it to its full extent. There are still some details that need to work out, but if God opens those doors like I believe He will. Then im taking that as the go ahead sign, and making it official.

As much as I thought I was really excited for Foco, it just didn't turn out to meet my expectations. But what it did do was put me in a position to re-evaluate life and where I was. Im truly excited to see what God has for me now in this new direction im headed in.
I also understand it probly sounds like I didn't even give Foco a shot, and your probly right to an extent. But at the same point it took me going up there to figure all this out, to question things. So in my eyes I got what I needed from it, repositioned myself and am now starting new again.


A couple weeks ago at theMILL, Aaron read a verse that really caught my attention, and put me in my place.

Jeremiah 29:11-13:

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Its been a while since i've really felt like writing. I think I go in spurts and throughout the summer I was so busy I just wasn't up for it.

But this summer ended up being really good for the most part. I had a job I didn't truly enjoy but it got better the last month of it. I learned ALOT and made good money for school, so that's what counts in my book. I was so happy to be done with it too, but that also meant school was just around the corner. And this year school was going to be in Fort Collins, at CSU. So quite a change. A pastor I recently heard at Woodmen Valley talked about expectations a little, and how no matter what you do, you always have certain expectations for things. I don't really know what my expectations were for Foco, aside from a place I would instantly fit in. Ha, as I soon came to realize, fat chance of that happening. Yes its true that I've only been up there for 2 weeks. But in those 2 weeks I really haven't made much progress and it sucks. And im having a hard time of giving it a chance. Sure i've met a decent amount of people, but once you meet them, then what. We have completely different majors and we unite once a week at Navs or CRU. It's a hard things to figure out how to handle. Im definitely still lingering in the life I had in Springs. I've come down both weekends so far and next week I will again. Sometimes its for things I need to do, but mostly just any excuse to get out of Foco. I thought I would like change, but I guess I don't. At least not by myself. Luckily the friends I do have in springs have been super supportive of everything im doing, but yet im still not even supporting myself. I have too much fun when I come back, it makes me want to move back so bad, but im trying to grow up and put my supposed career ahead of people. But honestly the only reason im in Foco is for one thing, and that's to learn Chinese. I guess maybe you could also throw in there that I would get a degree, but that's lower on the totem pole for me. I've been giving alot more thought to overseas missions in China. So we'll see where God takes my thoughts with that. This semester has got me to rely alot more on God as well and trying to understand that he has me there for a reason, even though I can't see it as clear as i'd like. So prayer and reading His word has definitely become a daily thing for me finally and I love it. There's other factors as to why Im having a harder time being away, but i'll save those for another day. Altogether though, im there for a year regardless becase of my lease, after that time we'll see what happens. See what my heart feels and where I should be. But for now im trying to stay as positive as I can do good in school and make new friends as well as hanging out with my old ones. The past few weekends have been legit and I love every second I spend down there. And it sucks leaving every time, but for me right now, its worth it. Thanks guys for being awesome!

Real life

After 5 weeks on the job of boring work in the shop all day I finally experienced what it's like to be a true wild land firefighter.
Friday morning the fire up at the sand dunes (Medano Fire) finally crept over the Sangres and on to our district. We went up and were assigned to some structural protection for a lodge way up in the mountains. We worked on that most of the day moving excess fuel away from the house and cutting some nearby trees out of the way. Once we were done with that for the next 2 days we didn't do much but drive around and become familiar with the roads that were around. The fire was still over some ridges some 7 miles away from where we were. So it wasn't very exciting. As Monday morning came, we found we were to be relieved due to a type 2 team coming in to help (basically just a more experienced squad). And they didn't need us anymore.
So we drove back to Canon that morning and were at the station no longer then 3 hours before our whole station got called up to the Royal Gorge where 3 separate fires had started all at once. As we drove up there the smoke was billowing high and the fire was beginning to crank at high speed due to high winds.
We ended up working about a 36 hour shift stopping at 2am for 3 hours of iffy sleep. It was the most intense work i've been involved with in my life. Mostly what we did was structural protection which included cutting down excess fuels around houses and dragging it off a safe distance.
The first house we did this too ended up burning a while after and it really got to me. Just being the last resort between someones home burning was a very crazy and sad thing. And when I heard it burned I just lost it, broke down and wanted to quit my job so bad. I did my best to pull it together but it was a tough day, and my best friend in critical condition during this time didn't help either.
But I began to realize through all of this somehow that I really like to help people in whatever way possible, and whatever they're going through. It might not always be the best help, and i've definitely gotten myself in some sticky situations, but I mean good. And after thinking about it alot that day, I think God may be calling me to serve in someway. I don't know how or when but it's kind of exciting to finally realize that. I never have felt before like I have been called to missions before, and im still not quite sure but it seems like things are coming together more nowadays in that direction. We'll see how it goes!

So even though things seems to suck alot lately through work and people I work with making it even harder. I know that's what life is all about and im trying to just get through it and on to the next thing.

That's all I got--

No one said it was going to be easy-

So already i've found my job to be like alot of jobs i've had before and simply counting down the hours till the 8 hour shift is over. While at the station we end up doing lots and lots of random things simply to pass the time because there are no fires right now. I have always liked going at a faster pace, so it's been pretty difficult this past week to find the strength to continue through it all.

Oddly enough at TheMILL this last friday I could not focus for the life of me. I couldn't get into what Aaron was talking about, and this has never been an issue before. Maybe my mind was wondering too much, distracted, maybe it was Brett being Brett.. I don't know, but it sucked. More then halfway through his talk I finally zoned in a bit and yet again God's timing never fails. Aaron started talking about suffering and if we have ever suffered through something to get to an end goal that we valued, and was it worth the suffering. He said that we should embrace suffering. It's as simple as vegetables, not necessarily on a suffering level but the same concept. Alot of them are really good for you and will benefit you, but we hate them. Or if you put yourself through the pain and endurance of running a marathon, it might not be something that you necessarily enjoy, but there's a sense of accomplishment through it and that you're in good enough shape to complete the 26.2 miles. Is it so bad that we can't suffer a little to get to a healthier body or get to a place of accomplishment at the end?

For me it's my job, I never wanted this job for the actual work, I was just focused on the money, for school and such. And it's not that my job sucks balls or anything, but it's just not as enjoyable as I had hoped. So im really trying to endure it and be able to look at things differently then when I first started. After my first week of work I wasn't very thankful for it. And I realize alot more now what a great opportunity I really have. Even though in theory I don't like working for the government, it definitely has it's pros and I will come out knowing ALOT more then when I started. And I am getting certified for so many things that could even come in handy down the road. And heck, it can't be bad for my resume. So my goal this summer is to endure through it, like God says, to Glorify him in everything that we do. It definitely helps to have friends to hang with on my days off, or go biking, climbing, TheMILL, and of course my paycheck. It gives me something to look forward to and that eases my week and motivates me.

So I would like to ask for some prayer for me this Summer. That I can continue to grow in God and seek him, and to enjoy my job as much as possible and do my best at all times, without always dwelling on the things I don't enjoy about it, but rather what good will come out of it.

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

The off the top of your head threw me off

Finally it seems all the pieces have fallen into place and now its time again for a new page in my life.
It seems I just got established where I am right now. Finally, after waiting so long for things to change they did, and now im moving on again when im not ready to go. I found out yesterday that I was accepted into CSU Fort Collins for the Fall. I'm definitely stoked beyond belief, ready to continue with my education and all that. And I knew it was coming, but because it wasn't official before, I played it off as something that wasn't said and done, and that made me more relaxed about it. So now reality finally hit and it got me thinking alot. I will have to start from scratch with pretty much everything. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can actually be alot of fun, just seemingly something i've done more then normal the past 6 months. So im just in a very mixed emotions state right now. I know it will be good, but I can't let go. poop.
But through all this I thought of a song a friend of mine wrote. Basically saying not to worry about your troubles now, but instead focus on God. And it's so true, for one, worrying gets you nowhere, and two, I know that if God didn't want me up at CSU he wouldn't have opened that door, so im eager to find out what he has in store for me up there. And leaving the Springs crew is tough, but of course i'll still visit. I feel everything is going out on a high note there, well almost..
Time and time again though when I look around trying to figure out how I can conquer the current quest or problem I can never quite find the right answer. And it's simply because without God we can't do anything. As humans we are weak, and fallen.

Kind of a tricky verse, but I like it

1st Corinthians 1:25
"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength".

Well, I started my new job a few days ago and needless to say, it's gunna be alot of work. Basically so far I have collected endless amounts of gear and knowledge of what to do with it all. Im assigned to the one and only forest service engine with 4 other guys. If we're out on a fire for multiple days, I have my life packed into a duffel bag and could be out as long as 14 days(and that could even be with only 1 or 2 showers!). It's pretty crazy and still hard to judge on what to expect since I haven't done much yet. But im looking forward to getting into it and learning alot and having fun at the same time.

My brother and his wife are coming back this summer too for a suprise birthday for my grandma's 80th. And he's going to try and get visas for his in-laws to come as well! They have never been to the US before and speak only a few simple sentences of english so if it happens it should be pretty fun and interesting for sure.

Almost 3 months have gone by since I applied for Fort Collins and there is still issues surfacing seemingly every week, so that is pretty frustrating. The deadline is rapidly approaching, but I know if God wants me there He will make it happen!

I have had two amazing summers up at Horn Creek in the past, but a summer isn't even close to enough time to really grow. Life changed drastically for those 3 months, but after that I went right back into my usual routine of no fellowship with believers and a shitty town.
This semester has definitely been all time for me now and im so grateful for the community i've been able to become apart of, and the countless memories i've made just being a crazy college kid. I have also grown so much in my faith and have gotten into a great routine of quiet times and finally got to the point of wanting to do it instead of forcing myself to. TheMILL has been a great church for me too and I love it so much! This all has been awesome, but I couldn't of done it without people encouraging me and motivating me so thanks. Im gunna miss it alot but I know i'll meet some cool cats up in Foco too. It's just going to be hard to make another transition, but I guess sometimes that's half the fun, starting off new.

Life has thrown alot of twists and turns at me this year so far and im trying to adjust and adapt to them as best as I can. But no one said it would be easy. With a little help from my Saviour though, im sure i'll do just fine. :)